Canada

This one doesn't have a title....it's my darker side

2007-07-11T07:01:41Z

she cringes insides
of a hollow, empty shell.
she is barely able
to stand herself

she wakes up each morning
hoping to die
The time will come soon
but noone knows why

She crawls out of bed
and she thinks, why should I?
I should just end it
Who would care if I die?

so she holds up the bottle
reads the label, locks the door
nobody to distract her
while passing out on the floor

She wakes up in a room
bathed in bright light
you gave them one hell of a scare
and put up quite a fight

she's o'ding says the doctor
on vitamin pills
they make your heart race
to give you a thrill

they make you happy
if only for a while
to numb the pain
to remind her to smile

There's nothing insdie
the hollow empty shell
hanging on by sheer hope
as she goes through helll

she can see
for the first time
she has friends
a lifeline

someone to tell her
she is beautiful inside as well as out
someone to hold her
who knows all about

the suffering she's handled
every single day for years
starving for atrtention
and choking on tears

now they all know
what a shame it's too late
for this girl is gone now
and she died full of hate

He's That Guy

2007-07-11T06:59:42Z

He's that guy
that you don't see
Because your too busy
trying to be

someone you think
the rest will adore
what you don't understand
is you are worth so much more

He speaks your name
you pretend you don't hear
you laugh and stare
He wishes he could disappear

like a shadow on the wall
a face lost in time
you sift through your memories
you can't seem to find

The boy who would call you
everyday for a date
but your pride wouldn't allow
you to choose your own fate

Happiness could have been
with him by your side
but you messed it all up
when you chose your pride

You decided not
too see what he could be
now you suffer in silence
while it's him and me

you had your chance girl
and I have to say
you made your bed
and an eternity you'll lay

in regret filled unhappiness
while the two of us play
I hope you find your soul mate
but that guy, he's mine and forever we'll stay!

Crystal Sapphire

2007-07-11T06:55:55Z

Crystal sapphire sparkling bright
Emotion slowly washes over me
Waves of tenderness and love excite
Silent vows of protection to be
Ignited like fire inside a heart of ice
Melting frozen stone into pools of desire
Devotion makes you pay the price
A painful longing for crystal sapphire

Salty Tears

2007-07-11T06:54:39Z

A heart beat and nothing more
A whisper of wind off of a distant shore
Ocean waves crashing upon solid rock
misty breeze and sea salt beating the dock
One set of footprints, maybe two but no more
Gods and fates play here, merging souls into the shore

As thunder crashes, heat intesifies inside
Electricity expands and explodes inside the mind
Moonlight has enchanted and drawn together once again
The heart and soul of lovers, a lady of the sea and man

Forever is forbidden, secret bonding brings the tears
For this could be the final time ocean meets the pier
Forever for eternity and within a moments wake
Eternity becomes never, salt of tears is all you taste

How Kinky Are You?

2007-06-05T14:46:09Z

You scored as Chains/Handcuffs, Your turn on is handcuffs and chains. You like being cuffed/chained to the bed, or cuffing/chaining your partner down. You love the pure ectasy of being in complete control... or letting someone else have complete control over you. Sex isn't sex without control.

Biting

100%

Chains/Handcuffs

100%

Bondage

92%

Blind Folds

83%

Whips

50%

Blood

17%

What's Your Kinky Turn On?
created with QuizFarm.com

Shattered Dreams

2007-06-01T04:33:33Z

Lockney High School students got an "up close and personal" look at "Shattered Dreams" during an emotional two day demonstration of the consequences of drinking and driving on young lives.

The "Shattered Dreams" program was organized by Justice of the Peace Michelle Araujo with the help of numerous law enforcement and EMS personnel, as well as counselors, parents, and school officials.

"Shattered Dreams" began on Monday, April 25, with selected students being taken from their classes by the "Grim Reaper". As the teenager is led away their "obituary" is read over the loud speaker. The obituaries were written by parents.

The youth, who are part of the "Living Dead", represent teenagers killed by drunk drivers.

Thirty "Living" students participated in the program. The "Living Dead" are not returned to class for 24 hours in an effort to impress on friends what it would be like without their friends in class.

Also on Monday morning a realistic two car collision was staged at the intersection near LHS. Professional make-up artists prepared the bloody injuries.

One student, Rance Schumacher, was flown from the scene in an Aerocare helicopter and later pronounced dead at the hospital.

Two other students, Graden Long and Jaime Ledesma, were "killed" at the wreck. Their bloody bodies were laid out on the ground for the students to see and later transported away from the scene in the Moore Rose White Funeral Home hearse.

A drunk driver, LHS Senior Meagan Stapp, was arrested at the scene (after field sobriety tests by a DPS Trooper), and booked into jail. She was later put through an emotional trial including testimony from a mother, Tracy Long, describing what her life would be like without her son, Graden.

Injured and transported by ambulance were: Emily Mercado, Rebekah Thornton, Landon Cotham, and Alyssa Poindexter.

Poindexter also dies at the hospital. Thornton is charged with Public Intoxication and Open Container. Cotham is also charged with Minor in Possession and Minor Consumption.

At the scene of the accident EMS, Fire Department, and Law Enforcement worked feverishly to free bodies from wreckage. Their efforts included cutting cars apart with the "Jaws of Life".

Justice of the Peace Araujo had to pull sheets back from bodies and pronounce them dead.

Students circled the accident and watched the proceedings from the sidelines.

Monday night the "Living Dead" were kept away from family. Counselors stayed with the youth all night and discussed the days events. The teens were told to write a letter to their parents, telling them what they wished they could have said before they "died."

Two of these letters were read at an emotional assembly on Tuesday morning, and are including in this week's paper.

At the assembly the "Living Dead" sat on the gym floor next to an open casket, and faced their friends in the bleachers.

Several speakers addressed the assembly, including DPS Sgt. Garcia, Trooper Heath Parker, District Attorney Becky McPherson, DPS Sgt. Gonzales, Trooper Phil Vandygriff, and Baptist Youth Pastor Chad Cook.

Trooper Parker spoke of the personal affect a drunk driver had had on his family after he was called to investigate a four fatality accident. One of the fatalities was his own sister. "I had to walk up to check the fatalities," said Parker. "I thought I recognized one of them and it turned out to be my sister. I still remember the frost on the ground where she was lying, how her hair looked and what she was wearing. Then I had to call my mother and tell her.

"My sister made a bad decision. She had no alcohol in her system, but she chose to get in a car with someone who was drinking."

A Crosbyton student, Jason Trevino spoke of losing his brother, Andrew, to a drunk driver. "He was coming home from work and a drunk driver was driving on the wrong side of the road on the loop. He hit my brother head on and broke his neck. My cousin was in the car and his legs were shattered."

One side of the gyms' bleacher rails were covered with posters made by each "Living Dead". The posters included pictures throughout their own lives and their own printed obituary.

The assembly ended with teary eyed "Living Dead" and parents hugging and discussing the lessons learned from the Shattered Dreams program.

A strangers call

2007-05-31T09:00:29Z

So I met this guy on a chat room I decided to check out last night because I was UBER bored. Anyway, he seemed nice at first and then he became a real asshole. He asked for my myspace addy and rushed me for it. Then when he got it he rushed me to add him. I did being polite I decided that maybe he was just really tired. He then proceeded to insult me in said public chat and then message me on myspace to insult me some more. He told me I was ugly, fat and had a nasty smile. I know I have flaws but my god! This hurt a lot. Especially coming from some stupid kid who obviously has no life other then joining chat's to pick up women. I know others opinions shouldn't matter but it does and it bothers me. He said I needed to lose about 15 or more pounds to look good. WTF??? I mean I know I am not stick skinny but I like to think I am decent....he made me feel like shit. Anyway, I just thought I would rant on about that....thanks for listening.

Talk to you later

I am going to go finish my pathetic crying now

Em.

Randomness

2007-05-31T05:57:45Z

Q: Been arrested?--> No

Q: You like someone?--> OMG, Yes....but I can't have him :(

Q: Held a snake?--> Yes and I also had a Boa wrapped around my neck before!!! THAT was cool

Q: Been suspended from school?--> No, but I probably should have been

Q: Been fired from a job?--> Yes

Q: Sang karaoke?--> Yes for Justin's wedding actually

Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?--> Yes, I do it at least once a week.

Q: Laughed until you started crying? Hahahaha yes, that is not hard when I hang out with goofy friends like Angela

Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?--> Yes

Q: Sat on a roof top? OMG!!! Leah and I used to sit on her roof top to watch the Dominion fireworks!!!!!

Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? --> OMG Yes, my sister and my neighbours last year. My four year old neice laughed her butt off at me as well. lol

Q: Broken a bone? no, but I broke my thumb....ligaments torn completely in two...I am proud of that one!!!

Q: Shaved your head? Not a chance in hell ::covers head and winces::

Q: Played a prank on someone?--> OMFG Yes.

Q: Made a girlfriend/boyfriend cry?--> No, I don't like to see guys cry, it breaks my heart.

Q: Shot a gun? No, they frighten me

Q: Donated Blood? Yes and I will do it again....provided my blood is any good.

Q: Had your heart broken? Yes
.
Q: Broken someone's heart? Yes I have

--

LAST PERSON.
1. You hung out with? Angela
2. last person you texted? Either Eddie or Wingsy
3. You were in a car with? Angela
4. Went to the movies with? Leah
5. Went to the mall with? Angela
6. You talked to on the phone? My mom
7. Made you laugh? Angela when we were on our walk.
8. You hugged? Patrick

WOULD YOU RATHER...

1. Be serious or be funny? I have to be both
2. Die in a fire or get shot? Ummm....live!?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...

1. Sun or moon? Moon
2. Winter or Fall? Fall
3. Left or right? Left
4. Sunny or rainy? Summer rain
5. Where do you live? In a house
6. Do you want to get married? Someday
7. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? I twirl it
8. Do You Cook? Yes sometimes
9. Current mood? Excited

IN THE LAST 72 HOURS HAVE YOU...

1. Kissed someone? No
2. Sang? Yes I have
3. Been hugged? I don't remember.....depends on the last time I seen Patrick lol.

_______________________________________________

--- have you ever ---

Smoked?
Yes

Stolen something?
Yes....when I was five lol

Done drugs?
No

Gotten drunk?
Yes I have lol

Eaten an entire box of Oreos?
Yes I have, sadly enough

Been dumped?
Yes

Had someone be unfaithful to you?
Yes, unfortunately

Hiked up a mountain?
No

Stayed home on Saturday night, just because?
Yes I stay home every weekend....I am a wal lflower what can I say....the last to get a date and the one everybpdy forgets :(

Seen the White House?
Nope

Seen the Eiffel Tower?
OMG No but I WILL someday.

Try smoking?
Didn't we go over this?

Played monopoly?
Yes

Seen Titanic?
I love that movie

Kissed someone?
Yes I have but it has been a long time

Tried a weight loss program?
No

Jumped on a trampoline?
Yes

Colored in a coloring book (and had fun)?
Yes I have and sometimes still do

Had a bubble bath?
Yes

Been on a plane?
Yes

Been on a boat?
Yes, a cruise ship....GORGEOUS!!!!!!!

Been on a train?
No, but I would love to.

Been in a car accident?
not really, we avoided it actually

Ridden an elephant?
No, I don't think so...I had the chance but I was too afraid lol.

Made a web page?
Several actually

Played with Barbies?
I hate Barbies but yeah

Stay up all night?
Yes all the time

Shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look clean?
Lol hahaha yes!!!

Called a psychic or sex hotline?
No but we called Teledirect!!!!!

Watched Jerry Springer?
Yes, and I am ashamed lol .

Gotten in trouble for talking in class?
Everyday in grade 11 Biology, grade 12 History and grade 11 English

Been afraid of the dark?
Yes, and I still am to a certain extent....it all depends on where I am....if I am camping in the woods then I am usually terrified. I blame the media and damn CSI and horror movies lol

Been in the hospital (not visiting)?
Yes too many times to count

Had stitches?
Yes, on my foot and in my butt hahaha top that!!!

Dumped someone and regretted it?
Oh yes.

Gone out with more than one person at a time?
Only once

Lied?
yeayes but only about non important issues

Been arrested?
ummm....are you paying attention?

Fallen asleep in class?
Yes!!! Grade 12 Science class I believe, and I got detention for it as well.

Gotten in trouble in class?
Yes I was a ghost but I was bad lol

Used food for something other than to eat?
Yes

Met a celebrity?
No

Broken the law?
No

Ever loved someone so much it made you cry?
Yes unfortunately and it sucks because it is always the ones you cannot have that you want the most

Hated yourself?
Everyday

Been brokenhearted?
EVERYDAY

Broken someone's heart?
Yes, I KNOW I have

Done something really stupid?
OMG YES!!!!

Hurt a friend?
Yes I have

Broken a bone?
Honestly now.....come on!

Ever had a crush on a teacher?
Karl McNeil!!!!!! Junior High Science teacher....Oh what a beautiful man he is....and what an ass!!!!!! Yummmm

Love Type

2007-05-31T05:55:19Z

Your Love Type: ISFP

The Artist

In love, you feel deeply and experience intense emotions.
For you, sex is serious. It's how you best express your feelings.

Overall, you are laid back, warm, and a good listener.
However, you tend to seem lazy and disinterested sometimes.

Best matches: ESFJ and ENFJ

What's Your Love Type?

More more more

2007-05-27T19:44:02Z

American Cities That Best Fit You:

75% Washington, DC

70% San Francisco

60% Boston

55% Atlanta

55% Honolulu

Which American Cities Best Fit You?

Your Lust Quotient: 67%

You are a very lustful person - and it sometimes gets the better of you!
You know how to hold back, but you hardly ever do.

How Much Lust Do You Have?

Men See You As Playful

Men want a challenge and you are the perfect playmate
You know how to push men's buttons and attract a wide range of guys
You enjoy living and loving - it's one of your most attractive qualities
Men are often consumed with desire for you, and you love that!

How Do Men See You?

Your Famous Movie Kiss is from Gone With The Wind

"Great balls of fire. Don't bother me anymore, and don't call me sugar."

What Famous Movie Kiss Are You?

More funky fun quizzes

2007-05-27T19:25:41Z

You Belong in Soho

Although you may not be a professional artist, you do dabble in one form of art or another.
And you indie culture of all kinds - from little botiques to art house films.

Where Should Your Inner New Yorker Live?

You Are a Rainbow

Breathtaking and rare
You are totally enchanting and intriguing
But you usually don't stick around long!

You are best known for: your beauty

Your dominant state: seducing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are Best Described By...

Jeune Fille Vert
By Tamara De Lempicka

What Famous Work of Art Are You?

What color is your passion?

2007-05-27T19:19:29Z

Your Passion is Pink

Innocent and naive, you approach sex with a virginal mindset.
You tend to enjoy teasing and flaunting much more than actual sex.
You're a notorious flirt, and you can pick up anyone you desire.
As a result, your reputation is a lot steamier than your real sex life.

What Color Is Your Passion?

What language should you learn?

2007-05-27T19:16:22Z

You Should Learn French

C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs.
You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up...

What Language Should You Learn?

Awww to have the dream life

2007-05-25T06:51:02Z

I would take my BEST friend over my BOYFRIEND anyday, he is much cuter I think.

Acid Rain

2007-05-24T18:59:21Z

Tears fall like acid rain stinging my eyes and my heart bursts apart
The entire world ceases to exist and only pain carries on
A reminder of what was stuns me like a poison dart
Falling to my aching knees, I pray dear goddess, make me strong

my feelings as of late

2007-05-24T18:43:34Z

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There.....I feel better heeheeheehee

Canadian laws

2007-05-24T07:00:21Z

I spoke with a friend a while back who voiced his concern to me about my walking alone, especially after dark. Now he wasn't being chauvanistic. He was simply letting me know that he was worried about the fact that I had zero protection. He asked me if I carried Mace/pepper spray. when I told him I didn't he told me he wasn't impressed ad that I should not be walking alone "ESPECIALLY at night" and "ESPECIALLY without it" I had made a promise to both him and myself that I would find it and not only buy it for myself but convince my girlfriends to pick some up as well. Hell, it lasts a long time and though you may never have the chance to use it, it will be there should you need it. I completely agreed with him and so I set out on my journey of a thousand stores. I checked every pharmacy, which is where he told me to look. I checked every department store and even online. I couldn't find it anywhere. At least not in Canada. How odd I thought as I kept searching. I remember a few store clercks looking at me strange when I asked then following me around the store. I suppose they thought I wanted it for illegal reasons. Funny that, because I had been talking to a friend of mine about two days ago who told me this probably happened because of the fact that Mace is illegal in Canada. ILLEGAL!!!!!!! Am I the only one who knew this? Why is it illegal? I mean there are so many things that could happen to a women while she is walking by herself, walking after dark is even worse. She cannot stop a man from raping her with a cell phone, we all know how those fail us at the most inopportune monets. Another friend of mine jokingly stated she should throw it at him, and wether I love the humour he shed on this situation, I am seriously asking you all. Man, woman, child, anyone and everyone, what do YOU think of this law? do you accept and agree that pepper spray/mace remain illegal or do you think it is about time we change another law!? I for one would like to have at least a little piece of mind while I am walking from work, or a friends place after dark. Or even just walking in general. I want protection from a would be attacker BEFORE something happends. So please let me know what your opinions are. Comment please...no matter what your take is on this, I would love to hear it.

Thank you

Agnes

Darkness

2007-05-23T06:59:27Z

I decided to post the song that best explains my mood as of late...i love this song....I hope you get the chance to hear it. It's one of my favorite's from the former Savage Garden lead.

Darkness -- Darren Hayes

Been spending so much time underground
I guess my eyes adjusted
To the lack of light
I got
Covered in darkness
Covered in darkness

Hibernating always waiting for something new
Happiness has always ended
In the blink of an eye
There was no one attending
No one attending

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I got covered in darkness
Covered in darkness
Ever wonder why I never really truly connect
Although my eyes are open
I can hold your gaze
But I am never connected
Never connected

I am famous for my generosity
They say I am the kindest
But it is easier to
Give than receive love
Give than receive love

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I was covered in darkness
Covered in darkness

Turning pages over
Run away to nowhere
And it's hard to take control
When your enemy's old and afraid of you
You'll discover that the monster you were running from
Is the monster in you

Better to hold on to love
Better to hold on to love
Change will come

It doesn't really matter where it all began
All I know
I was covered in darkness
Covered in darkness

It doesn't really matter where it all began
Cuz all I know
I was lost
I was lost
No, no

It doesn't really matter where it all began no no
All I know
I was lost
I feel lost
Lost
No...

Dreams

2007-05-19T22:43:59Z

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're very preoccupied with your fears and problems.

These bad dreams indicate that you need to spend more time on your issues during the day.

Your dreams tend to reflect your insecurities.

Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings.

You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind.

You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

Quizzes I theifed from Armandsangel : Thanks hun!

2007-05-19T22:36:56Z

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ENFP)

Your personality type is enthusiastic, giving, cautious, and loyal.

Only about 8% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 6% of all men
You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

You Are 56% Phobic

You have a few more phobias than the average person. And you're sometimes developing new ones.
Try to chill out and conquer some of your phobias. Facing your fears is the only way to get rid of them.

How Phobic Are You?

You Mostly Have Your Emotions in Check

Sometimes your emotions get out of control, but you usually are a pretty stable person.
You can find a lot to be happy about, as long as things are going your way.
But if a few bad things happen to you, you tend to go in a bit of a downward spiral.
Luckily, you usually come out of it okay and no worse for the wear.

Can You Keep Your Emotions in Check?

FROG PRINCE REVAMPED

2007-05-04T18:48:29Z

Once upon a time
In a land far away,
A beautiful, independent,
Self-assured princess
Happened upon a frog as she sat
Contemplating ecological issues
On the shores of an unpolluted pond
In a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
And said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
Until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
And I will turn back
Into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
And set up housekeeping in your castle
With my mother,
Where you can prepare my meals,
Clean my clothes, bear my children,
And forever feel
Grateful and happy doing so. "
That night,
As the princess dined sumptuously
On lightly sauteed frog legs
Seasoned in a white wine
And onion cream sauce,
She chuckled and thought to herself:
I don't fuckin' think so.

TO MY FAVORITE BOYS AND THE WOMEN WHO LOVE YOU!!!!

2007-04-13T11:03:49Z

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
>(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
>We always hear "the rules"
>From the female side.
>
>
>Now here are the rules from the male side.
>These are our rules!
>Please note... these are all numbered "1"
>ON PURPOSE!
>
>
> 1. Men are NOT mind readers.
>
>1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
>You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
>We need it up, you need it down.
>You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
>or the changing of the tides.
>Let it be.
>
>1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
>And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
>
>1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>1. Ask for what you want.
>Let us be clear on this one:
>Subtle hints do not work!
>Strong hints do not work!
>Obvious hints do not work!
>Just say it!
>
>1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
>
>1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
>we do.
>Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
> See a doctor.
>
>1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
>In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
>
>1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to
>act like soap opera guys.
>
>1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
>Don't ask us.
>
>1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes
>you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
>
>1. You can either ask us to do something
>Or tell us how you want it done.
>Not both.
>If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
>commercials.
>
>1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>
>1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
>Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
>have no idea what mauve is.
>
>1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
>We do that.
>
>1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
>nothing's wrong.
>We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know
>you will bring it up again later.
>
>1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you
>don't want to hear!
>
>1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
>fine...Really.
>
>1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
>or golf.
>
>1. You have enough clothes.
>
>1. You have too many shoes.
>
>1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
>
>1. Thank you for reading this.
>Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
>
>
>But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
>
>Pass this to as many men as you can -
>to give them a laugh.
>
>Pass this to as many women as you can -
> to give them a bigger Laugh

LIFE TAKES A TURN FOR THE WORST

2007-04-12T14:25:06Z

   Life is becoming increasingly difficult for me, as I now have two days to find a place to live or else I am on the streets with heartbroken and my hands full. It seems your friends are always the ones to kick you when you are down. Well, this girl is about as low as she can go and yet somehow still finds room enough to dig herself deeper.
   Maybe Zarek is right in not keeping any close friends. Friends are only enemies in disguise that you haven't quite met yet. Screw it, I don't need anyone else. I am fine on my own living on the street or not. I don't really care to much about myself anymore. Maybe if I do lose touch with everyone and I do end up living on the street in my ever proverbial cardboard box, I will toughen up and stop being such a whiny, bitchy, self centred little ball of emotions. Maybe the things that hurt so much now will not hurt as badly when I am down and out. You learn perspective when times get hard and you definitly learn to walk on your own two feet and not trust the help of others. Others who are eager and willing to help are usually those who are also just as eager to laugh and kick you when you fall. So I don't need anybody. I am pretty much giving the fuck up.
   I hope that someday you all will understand though I hope you never have to go through this to figure it out. Yeah, I still care I suppose somewhere in my heart I always will. Just as I still love Donald. HA! What a contradiction huh? Yeah, life is full of them and I am a walking contradiction if there ever was one. Challenge me, tell me I shouldn't still have feelings for Donald. Tell me I shouldn't have feelings for this friend of mine who drives me INSANE with desire whenever we are together. Tell me I shouldn't be head over heels for this friend I have yet, have never met. Tell me, go ahead, see if it makes a difference in my life and how I live it. I took the advice of strangers over my own friends and yet somehow they seem to care a hell of a lot more than my own family does. Strange how someone you have never met will always have your back and yet those who are close to you, physically, will tear you down and laugh while you cringe and cry.
   Like being stoned in the streets, I am sure this pain of having nothing left is just as real and felt with every harsh, uncaring word that is thrown my way. A word or two of "concern" and then push me out the door and leave me freezing in the snow. I need to reread DWTD....that man is just too much a part of who I am right now. If only I had my own place to go back to, like him, I am alone and now i trust noone. It just fucking sucks to be alive right now. Shit happends for a reason Ha! I should think the Gods have forgotten me or just plain abandoned me. Screw it. I am still breathing....for now. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

   I won't be able to talk to you all for very much longer. 2 days....that is my limit. So tomorrow I am gone....gone where? Who knows, heaven...probably not....Hell? Hmm...would Hades take me or would he throw me out as well. I would take Zarek's solitude in the freezing Alaskan weather any day over the bitter cold I feel in my heart when my so called friends let me down.
   Disappointment is a bitch. So is life. Fuck it, I am on my own.

Thank you to those who have shown continued support. You don't need to be there to help, and the fact that you care even though we have never met helps a great deal. You are always in my heart.

Em

Greetings

2007-04-09T12:25:28Z

Good morning everyone! I hope your holiday was great and you are all rested up. Be prepared for another week of madness. It is bound to begin much earlier than we had hoped. So I am just saying hello and wanting to know how everyone's holiday went, let me know. I am off for now.

Ciao!

Colour survey

2007-04-05T07:14:09Z

Don't mess with the colors and their meanings just answer the questions below.. have fun

RED = ANGER

1. Are you currently mad at someone?
Yes, a friend for being a complete ass today

2. Which of your family members has the worst temper?
Ahhh....that used to be me ::blushes and lowers head::

3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone?
Hell yes.

4. Does your face turn red when you're angry?
Naaah not really

5. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell?
I don't do either anymore I used to but not now. I just walk away now because if I don't bad things happen.

ORANGE = EXCITEMENT

1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you?
No, my friends all got surprise parties but not me

2. Are you easily excited?
Yes and sadly all it takes is a new book or a great movie. Sometimes even a great conversation with the right person ::wink::

3. What event is coming up that you're most excited about?
Easter dinner with my family but then I am most nervous as well.

4. If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought?
Score!!! I am going to buy a house in NY or NO, get myself a little fixed up and then fly to Paris.

5. If you could have anything right now what would it be?
Love

YELLOW = SELF DISCOVERY

1. Name: Agnes/Em

2. Birthday: March 30th

3. What's your main goal in life?
To finally be happy

4. Do you want to have children?
Yes, I do very much so.

5. How do you want to die?
I don't. It is one of my biggest fears!

GREEN = OPINIONS

1. Are you against gay marriage?
Absolutely not! I think if two people love each other they should be able to express it in marriage.

2. Lower the drinking age?
Uhhh....No! RAISE it!

3. Capital Punishment?
I sometimes think this is the only way but then I believe everybody deserves a fair shot and a second chance in life.

4. Abortion?
I wouldn't but if a woman made this decision I wouldn't look at her differently.

5. Democrat or Republican? ?
I don't know, I hate politics

BLUE = LOVE

1. Do you love someone?
God yes. I shouldn't but OMG I do!!!!

2. Do you have a bf/gf?
No

3. Is it better to have loved and lost than never loved at all?
Oh god knows....I am starting to think that not knowing what love and loss feels like is better than longing for someone you can't have or have lost.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?
Yes, absolutely

5. Would you tattoo your lovers name on your body?
God no....what am I? Crazy? I am not for branding at all.

PURPLE = Q&A

Q: How many beds did you lay in today?
/My own -- what a strange question

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
Pink

Q: Name one thing that you do everyday?
Talk with my friends on msn

Q: How much cash do you have on you right now?
I am broke until tomorrow ::crosses fingers:: hopefully.

Q: Is Tom on your Top friends list?
Nope.

Q: Look to your left. What's there?
The wall

Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed from someone?
Ummm....socks?

Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day?
Myspace/LJ/Alluc.org

Q: Do you have plants in your room?
No

Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now?
Yes, my shoulders, neck and back. I need a massage badly.

Q: What city was your last taxi cab ride in?
Fredericton

Q: Do you own a picture phone?
No

Q: Recent time you were really upset?
Friday -- my birthday sadly enough.

PINK = LAST

1. Person you saw?
June

2. Person that said they loved you.
I don't remember it has been a while unfortunately.

3. Movie watched in cinema?
Freedom Writers

4. Song you listened to?
Smallville theme song

5. Person you talked on the phone with?
My mom -- and it wasn't pleasant.

GREY = TODAY

1. What are you doing right now?
Are you paying attention?

2. What are you doing tonight?
MSN/LJ/BED

3. What are you going to eat?
I had potatoes and meat and gravy earlier yummm

4. Did you accomplish anything today?
Other than having my mom yell at me, no.

5. What shoes are you wearing?
I am not.

BROWN = TOMORROW

1. Is?
Thursday

2. My plans are?
To get my money and hopefully do some Easter shopping

3. Are you going to laugh?
Probably not

4. Any TV show you watch coming on?
I don't know really.

5. Do you know what you will eat?
Food. I can't say for sure. I may get subway.

Your Celebrity Life (Girls) by amy
Name
Age
State You Live In
Fav. Color
Your Boyfriend
Your Bestfriend
Your Brother
Your Sister
How You Get Around
Your Pet